I heard from a friend tonight. She was wondering about the fact that she'd not heard from me in almost a month. Ever since, I've been swallowing down the lump in my throat and willing away tears. See, I love this friend, miss her. I've talked so many times about wishing I could go visit her. I've fretted over her health problems, and prayed for her. It is true, though, that none of this matters because she didn't know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today IT pursued me and oppressed me. As IT did, there was a little temper flare just under the surface, tears about to start over dumb stuff, and guilt taunting me with wicked laughter. IT ties knots in my shoulder muscles, puts a gnawing in my gut, and gets my head to pounding. I wish that the real world allowed me to slash the life out of IT. However, IT is elusive and tricky. IT appears by my choice, and IT appears without deliberation. IT tempts me, like few things, to be what I should not be. IT begs me to quit, to grumble and be discontent, and to hunt down something or someone to blame. Honestly, IT is annoying.
IT is stress. IT is that ugly, ugly thing that alters your world. We do sometimes create our own stress. We do. I remember well, though, a friend, who'd been going through a messy divorce with her daughter, saying that you can't always eliminate stress. Her doctor had told her that a crucial answer to her health problems was to get rid of stress. Ha! Sometimes life is stressful. It is. Sometimes we make poor choices that invite stress, but often, IT makes ITS own way in the door. The latter has been the story lately. It is preposterous to think that you might get up one morning wishing for - planning - an emergency trip to the hospital, or to clean up a whole quart of vegetable oil from the floor, or (in honor of Mom) to remove a whole jar of Vaseline from the hair and body of a feverishly sick little one (in the middle of preparing for a birthday party).
I am all for taking life by the horns and bringing it under control. I think that's a worthy endeavor. Sometimes, though, life wriggles out of your fist, yanks you up by the collar, and takes off running with you bouncing and bruising behind it. And in the middle of that bouncy, nightmarish ride, there must be sanity, a smile, and calm, composed pretending that life is still firmly held in your hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So what to tell my friend? I love her. I hope so much for her. I can give her excuses, which may really be reasons, but that is inadequate to make her feel wanted and loved. What she really needed was an email three weeks ago, but that was three weeks ago. This is now. She is hurt. I could have typed an email to her in the time it took to type this, but that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted an email without asking for it. Really, she deserved it. But I didn't write it.
Just for one week, I wish IT would go jump in the tempestuous sea and drown, leaving me to leisurely write to my friend.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Abundant Joy
Today, as we continued studying in Genesis, we considered Abraham's obedience when God told him to sacrifice Isaac. It was asserted that Abraham had to absolutely trust God to be willing to obey what was contrary to his emotions and seemingly to the promise God had given him. It is a great example of where our motive for obedience lies. It is a matter of completely trusting God no matter how illogical it seems or how we feel about something.
I've been thinking further through the story. I had tears in my eyes as we listened to this account read aloud. When Abraham bound Isaac, I was heartbroken. I could not imagine tying up my child and reaching for the knife with which to slit his throat. I don't want to be able to imagine that. However, I could imagine the gratitude, the wonder, the joy, the utter relief and peace that I might have had when excused from such a seemingly horrific command. Just think what heights of joyous wonder Abraham got to experience as a result of his trust in and obedience to God. It has always been such a common pitfall to follow our feelings about something, or what makes sense to us, or to excuse ourselves or someone else from obedience when the perceived consequences feel beyond our/their ability to endure. What inferior outcomes we have experienced as we excused away utterly obeying God. We have often had our interpretive sensibilities dulled and distorted because we don't trust God enough to absolutely and always do things His way.
Saul has been an example of self inflicted joy theft. In 1 Samuel 13, he grew impatient and fearful while waiting for Samuel to offer sacrifices to God as an appeal for instruction (1 Samuel 10:8). As a result, the kingdom was not to remain in his family (13:13 - 14). The parallels between this story and Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac are uncanny. Both men were to offer a sacrifice. Abraham was to offer his son. Saul was to wait for Samuel to offer a sacrifice for him. Abraham obeyed immediately, trusting God (Hebrews 11:17 - 19), and at the last second God blessed him with awesome mercy. Saul didn't wait through the very the last moment, but offered his sacrifice only to turn around and see Samuel arrive to fulfill God's word. Abraham was blessed at the last minute because he obeyed, and Saul was found guilty and punished at the last minute because he disobeyed.
What was the difference between the two men? Abraham trusted God with rock solid faith. Saul watched in fear rather than a composure of trust as the Philistines gathered for war against him and so acted in doubt of God with weak, conditional faith. Another difference? Saul reaped what he sowed. He doubted God, and so God failed to trust him with His people. The kingdom was torn from his sons forever. Abraham reaped quite differently because he had sown differently. He trusted God and obeyed, making way for a thrilling surprise and most abundant joy.
Trust and Obey
I've been thinking further through the story. I had tears in my eyes as we listened to this account read aloud. When Abraham bound Isaac, I was heartbroken. I could not imagine tying up my child and reaching for the knife with which to slit his throat. I don't want to be able to imagine that. However, I could imagine the gratitude, the wonder, the joy, the utter relief and peace that I might have had when excused from such a seemingly horrific command. Just think what heights of joyous wonder Abraham got to experience as a result of his trust in and obedience to God. It has always been such a common pitfall to follow our feelings about something, or what makes sense to us, or to excuse ourselves or someone else from obedience when the perceived consequences feel beyond our/their ability to endure. What inferior outcomes we have experienced as we excused away utterly obeying God. We have often had our interpretive sensibilities dulled and distorted because we don't trust God enough to absolutely and always do things His way.
Saul has been an example of self inflicted joy theft. In 1 Samuel 13, he grew impatient and fearful while waiting for Samuel to offer sacrifices to God as an appeal for instruction (1 Samuel 10:8). As a result, the kingdom was not to remain in his family (13:13 - 14). The parallels between this story and Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac are uncanny. Both men were to offer a sacrifice. Abraham was to offer his son. Saul was to wait for Samuel to offer a sacrifice for him. Abraham obeyed immediately, trusting God (Hebrews 11:17 - 19), and at the last second God blessed him with awesome mercy. Saul didn't wait through the very the last moment, but offered his sacrifice only to turn around and see Samuel arrive to fulfill God's word. Abraham was blessed at the last minute because he obeyed, and Saul was found guilty and punished at the last minute because he disobeyed.
What was the difference between the two men? Abraham trusted God with rock solid faith. Saul watched in fear rather than a composure of trust as the Philistines gathered for war against him and so acted in doubt of God with weak, conditional faith. Another difference? Saul reaped what he sowed. He doubted God, and so God failed to trust him with His people. The kingdom was torn from his sons forever. Abraham reaped quite differently because he had sown differently. He trusted God and obeyed, making way for a thrilling surprise and most abundant joy.
Trust and Obey
When we walk with the Lord
in the light of his word,
what a glory he sheds on our way!
While we do his good will,
he abides with us still,
and with all who will trust and obey.
Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there's no other way
to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear,
not a sorrow we share,
but our toil he doth richly repay;
not a grief or a loss,
not a frown or a cross,
but is blest if we trust and obey.
(Refrain)
But we never can prove
the delights of his love
until all on the altar we lay;
for the favor he shows,
for the joy he bestows,
are for them who will trust and obey.
(Refrain)
Then in fellowship sweet
we will sit at his feet,
or we'll walk by his side in the way;
what he says we will do,
where he sends we will go;
never fear, only trust and obey.
(Refrain)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Jason During His First Dental Cleaning
Notice Jason's timid, almost scared
countenance. He was very, very good, but very, very nervous.
countenance. He was very, very good, but very, very nervous.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Overflowing
I have had so many things on my mind. So many. I very commonly do this mind stuff in mental writing. I'm usually thinking as I would write, and sure that I will write here. It does not happen that way most of the time. So many, many times my thoughts fold into others and are filed in cranial recesses too far from reach to produce again. I am overflowing with things I want to say, so I decided to just begin. I may (probably) not say them all, but if I do not begin, I will say nothing, much like these last few sentences =)
(One of the big faults I have when writing is inconsistent use of verb tense. I started to go through and correct that, but decided it wasn't all that important to me tonight. Please overlook it.)
I've been studying 1 Samuel. There has been so much for reflection there that I had a hard time falling asleep Saturday night. One of the gems has recurred in my mind, and I have found myself almost haunted by it. Israel begged for a king so they could be like their "peers." Poor, poor God. All He wanted was to be their King, reigning in their civil affairs and especially their hearts. I admire Samuel for coming to His defense. Far more, I admire God for soothing Samuel when He, Himself, was being discarded. Our God has always been a God of composure and purpose. I marvel at the brilliant way that God gave the people exactly what they asked for, setting in motion consequences for the abandonment of Him while still extending great mercy. The fact that He bestowed Himself mightily upon Saul, knowing that Saul was not a spiritually invigorating king, but a worldly one, is far beyond ourselves. We would not be so kind. We might just thrust the thing that was wrongly asked for into the proverbial face and hope heartily, eagerly even, for the "victim" to get what was rightfully coming. In God's plan the people got what was rightfully needed, but not without the simultaneous envelopment of God's love and desire for them.
While not a new thought, it is a vital one, that Saul has the spirit of God come upon him mightily (1 Samuel 10:6, 10 11:6) and leave him as well (1 Samuel 16:14, 18:12). Sandwiched in the middle is Saul's disobedience. It is his undoing. Tragic. I have posted here somewhat recently about the importance of obeying God. It has been the subject of my meditation. It is vital in the purest definition of that word. Our own disobedience should disturb us and move us to mournful repentance. We should hang our heads in shame as we think of the pride that leads us to think we can better God's plan, His will. In Saul's Great Disobedience we read,
Samuel said, "Is it not true, though you were little in your own eyes, you were made the head of the tribes of Israel? And the LORD anointed you king over Israel, and the LORD sent you on a mission, and said, 'Go and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are exterminated.' Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD, but rushed upon the spoil and did what was evil in the sight of the LORD?" Then Saul said to Samuel, I did obey the voice of the Lord, and went on the mission on which the LORD sent me, and have brought back Agag the king of Amalek, and have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.
Saul went into his kingship thinking little of himself and begins his way out of it by calling his tweaking of God's instruction obedience. Both things drip with pride. "In [his] own eyes" he was little. Don't we think so highly of ourselves when we think this way? The problem is that his focus was self. Being about the business of thinking little of ourselves or thinking grandly about ourselves is thinking about ourselves. We need to be emptied of ourselves and filled with God.
God knows the way we should take. He knows the end thereof: Himself. The way we should take according to God leads to eternal service to Him. Any discarding of His way or tweaking of it, is the wrong way, and does not lead to eternity with Him. Beautifully, touchingly, God's motive in His perfect instruction is love and utmost concern for our well being.
All this reflection about Saul's disobedience causes me to think of others who didn't go their own way, but God's. Please do not hold your breath, but I hope to continue this another time and specifically mention some of those who walked faithfully with and for God, sometimes with great personal sacrifice so that they might be completely obedient.
(One of the big faults I have when writing is inconsistent use of verb tense. I started to go through and correct that, but decided it wasn't all that important to me tonight. Please overlook it.)
I've been studying 1 Samuel. There has been so much for reflection there that I had a hard time falling asleep Saturday night. One of the gems has recurred in my mind, and I have found myself almost haunted by it. Israel begged for a king so they could be like their "peers." Poor, poor God. All He wanted was to be their King, reigning in their civil affairs and especially their hearts. I admire Samuel for coming to His defense. Far more, I admire God for soothing Samuel when He, Himself, was being discarded. Our God has always been a God of composure and purpose. I marvel at the brilliant way that God gave the people exactly what they asked for, setting in motion consequences for the abandonment of Him while still extending great mercy. The fact that He bestowed Himself mightily upon Saul, knowing that Saul was not a spiritually invigorating king, but a worldly one, is far beyond ourselves. We would not be so kind. We might just thrust the thing that was wrongly asked for into the proverbial face and hope heartily, eagerly even, for the "victim" to get what was rightfully coming. In God's plan the people got what was rightfully needed, but not without the simultaneous envelopment of God's love and desire for them.
While not a new thought, it is a vital one, that Saul has the spirit of God come upon him mightily (1 Samuel 10:6, 10 11:6) and leave him as well (1 Samuel 16:14, 18:12). Sandwiched in the middle is Saul's disobedience. It is his undoing. Tragic. I have posted here somewhat recently about the importance of obeying God. It has been the subject of my meditation. It is vital in the purest definition of that word. Our own disobedience should disturb us and move us to mournful repentance. We should hang our heads in shame as we think of the pride that leads us to think we can better God's plan, His will. In Saul's Great Disobedience we read,
Samuel said, "Is it not true, though you were little in your own eyes, you were made the head of the tribes of Israel? And the LORD anointed you king over Israel, and the LORD sent you on a mission, and said, 'Go and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are exterminated.' Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD, but rushed upon the spoil and did what was evil in the sight of the LORD?" Then Saul said to Samuel, I did obey the voice of the Lord, and went on the mission on which the LORD sent me, and have brought back Agag the king of Amalek, and have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.
Saul went into his kingship thinking little of himself and begins his way out of it by calling his tweaking of God's instruction obedience. Both things drip with pride. "In [his] own eyes" he was little. Don't we think so highly of ourselves when we think this way? The problem is that his focus was self. Being about the business of thinking little of ourselves or thinking grandly about ourselves is thinking about ourselves. We need to be emptied of ourselves and filled with God.
God knows the way we should take. He knows the end thereof: Himself. The way we should take according to God leads to eternal service to Him. Any discarding of His way or tweaking of it, is the wrong way, and does not lead to eternity with Him. Beautifully, touchingly, God's motive in His perfect instruction is love and utmost concern for our well being.
All this reflection about Saul's disobedience causes me to think of others who didn't go their own way, but God's. Please do not hold your breath, but I hope to continue this another time and specifically mention some of those who walked faithfully with and for God, sometimes with great personal sacrifice so that they might be completely obedient.
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