Mr. Kolterman

During the first semester of my junior year I took an Honors English class - English Literature. The teacher was clearly and well known for several things, including being tough. An "A" was rare. Very rare. I did poorly in Mr Kolterman's class. I never did well with literature classes because I didn't like to read for an assignment. I loved to read but wanted to make my own selections. One might thus think that Mr. Kolterman disliked me, but he didn't. He said something to me once that was meant as a squarely landed compliment. Those were almost as rare as "A's". He smiled and looked me in the eye and said, "You're a thinker." That was it. No comment, just that. I've always remembered that because he was right, but I had never thought it about myself before then.

Now, I sometimes wish I could stop thinking. There is always something going 'round and 'round my head. Usually with all the going 'round is a bit of passion. I don't always like that part either. Sometimes I wish I could just look the other way when evil and foolishness abound, take it in stride. Other times, when I see injustices and the pain of the world and am troubled, I am glad that passion fills my heart and soul - and that thoughts come in wave after giant wave.

When I give it some thought (oh, here we go) my dislike for all this thinking comes because of the result. I believe that thinkers are problem solvers, inventors, revolutionists, abolitionists, etc. Among those are some great people, both real and hypothetical. However, it leads to the search for a platform - a means to express ones thoughts. Not expressed the mind becomes bogged down and the person frustrated. However, for me and many others, I'm sure, is the added dimension that I'm committed to serving God. Choices about expression need to be brought into His will, sifted if you will. The Christian thinker needs to train his mind to think rightly and to express with wisdom and restraint where required. And all that requires more thinking. Deliberating over this decision is hard, the part I don't like.

I started blogging last year. There was so much going on in our lives, especially with little Jason, and we had moved far, far away from loved ones, both family and friends. I wanted an easy way to disseminate information. It quickly evolved, though. During those grueling days, blogging became a sort of therapy to cope with the times. Then, like so many others, I had discovered a potential means to express my thoughts, my passions, my victories and my frustrations. It was like a breath of fresh, spring air. A figurative spring storm of clashing beliefs blew through too. It discouraged me. My mom told me not to stop blogging. I didn't. But, I was so afraid to blog about anything but the daily grind. Blogging about the other stuff that makes up my life became taboo.

I am going to blog in the (near?) future about something that has made the rounds in my mind many times over the last several years, seventeen actually. I have come to some conclusions. I want to share. I don't want to smash anyone. That will not be my intention now as it wasn't before. I just want to tell what my observations of the Bible have caused me to think, to believe. If you don't agree, well, you don't. I am not singling anyone out in my thoughts to debate and wrangle with. I don't mind comments. I have, on purpose, left my blog open to comments. Please, however, if you feel personally attacked, you are not interpreting my intentions correctly. I will just be expressing my thoughts on this convenient platform.

Mr. Kolterman was an amazing vocalist. He was brilliantly intelligent. He was a good teacher, even if feared (and despised). He also practiced homosexuality and lost his life doing so. I appreciated his compliment so much that I still remember it vividly, but he was just a man.

I hope that God smiles and looks me in the eye and says, "You're a thinker. And you have thought rightly. You have well discerned my will. You are my faithful child." It is my life's goal to make that true.