Matt

I know that the last post was quite melancholy. October 4th was a difficult, difficult day.

I might say, in answer to mom's question about Matt, that he is my other son (MOS, pronounced moss). Matt captured my heart years ago. His journey through almost eighteen years has been a hard one. He is adopted. His biological parental situation was bad. If I recall the facts correctly, he, at three years, was still solely eating from a bottle, couldn't walk well because his only exposure had been around the small inside perimeter of a playpen. He was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby.

He has been a difficult child to raise. I know this. I do. Somehow, though, I have always just seen potential in him. There was a time that I wondered if he also suffered from detachment disorder, but no, not all. I want to be sensitive and delicate with the following statements; I am a mother myself. His difficult ways have been a challenge almost repulsive to his mother. I do so wish that she'd been more tenacious and unconditional in her love, more consistent in discipline. His father has stood firmly in Matt's corner when it seemed hope was gone.

Matt spent time away from his family twice that I recall. The first time was in occurrence when we first met his family, so I cannot say much about that. The second time was a time in juvenile detention. I think it's debatable whether or not he really needed to be there, but while he was he was mistreated. He even suffered a broken bone at the impatient hands of a guard. (Matt would tell you that he provoked the man - greatly even, but the mistreatment was still that.) During that time Matt was out of control, and hope was shrouded in the darkness of doubt. It was so tempting to give up hope.

God heard so many, many prayers on behalf of Matt and has been merciful indeed. After the broken arm incident, his dad pushed and pushed to have Matt transferred elsewhere. I do not know why, but eventually that did happen. The new facility was much better, and Matt did begin to respond, learning well how to control his anger and be responsible.

He went back home a couple of years ago. All were on pins and needles wondering how he'd do with the "real world." He has amazed us by doing very well. No, it has not been an unflawed road. It has not, but he is still performing well academically and socially in school. He has shown humility spiritually, seeing his deviance and mourning over it. He has purposed improvement in his life.

You might imagine that Matt is a tough cookie. You'd be right in that. All along, though, I could see a boy who could love and be loved. When you've been stomped on again and again, you develop a thick and hard protective outer layer.

Matt and I had a good conversation this summer. I'd heard something unsettling through the grapevine about him that I wanted to verify. It was true. It wasn't sinful. I thought, however, it was a disastrous decision in the making and told him so. I needed to explain, because of that tough outer layer, that my concern was because I loved him and because I had such hope for his future. I also wanted him to know that he was my other son for keeps. I made him watch "The Blind Side" so he could see the relationship between the mom and Michael Oher. At one point in that movie, the mom, Leigh Anne, and Michael are in a bad part of town, making her a bit nervous. Michael assures her that he "has her back." That's how I feel about Matt. I know that he would always have my back and that if anyone messed with me he would "take them out." He assured me of that and added that he would likely not be self controlled in that situation. While *that* isn't good, it demonstrated his loyalty, which I never doubted.

Back to October 4th. Matt knew that I was having a hard day. He was so kind, so sweet, so comforting. He hugged me spontaneously and would just put his arm around me and stand there with me. He said little, but I was aware that he "had my back" that day.

That is who Matt is. My Other Son.

October 4

Some days are just memorable. Today is such a day.

Today was a Nothing Extra Is Going On Day. Do those really occur? We got about an hour and fifteen minutes of school in before I had to leave and take Jacob to the doctor. I thought we'd be back in a couple of hours. Nope. Don't mistake that "nope" for a complaint. I was actually grateful to be passed on to an orthopedic surgeon in the same day. Really it was more efficient that way. Really. It would have been nice to have the broken arm diagnosis Friday night when we left the emergency room, but we didn't. It's all good, right? Right.

Today was also I Cut Matt's Hair Day. That, too, is memorable because Matt rarely gets a haircut. I actually would post a picture, but my when I got my camera out to do so, the battery was dead.

Today was also Take My Heart Out And Put It On The Limb Day. I am not going to expound much on that. Just suffice it to say that sometimes - not very many sometimes though - I wonder why I so quickly and easily love people. There has been such joy in that, but such sorrow too. Sometimes it's hanging somewhere in the middle and I'm nervously wondering which side of the balance will receive the final tipping weight. The verdict is out, but it is too late to withdraw the heart. Once it's out there, it's out there.

October 4, 2010.