"But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the woman who is unmarried and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:32 - 34
I have been thinking again recently about what one should seek in a mate. A few years ago I had a conversation with a friend who had talked to a young woman about a man who was potentially interested in her. The young woman had expressed concern about his not being overtly spiritual. My friend told her that she needed to consider more than that. She went on to point out his qualities of dependability, loyalty and steadiness. Those were big pluses she said.
There are examples of men who are/were spiritual giants but lousy husbands/fathers. I know a grandson of a man who was well and widely known for his numerous conversions resulting from a zealous goal to teach far and wide. He wrote books about spiritual matters and was much respected. His grandson told me that none of the man's children were Christians. In fact, they were quite worldly. He was rarely home because of his busy gospel preaching itinerary. He converted thousands but lost his children. Another man has at times lost his vision for the spiritual well being of his family because he was so engrossed in teaching the Bible to others. The Bible has at least one obvious example and several subtle ones of men who were less than stellar fathers/husbands but were close to God. David was a wishy washy parent, especially after his sin with Bathsheba. The saga that follows is a tragic and disappointing picture of a man after God's own heart.
When selecting a mate one must consider all things. Spiritual maturity is much desired, but it cannot be the lone criteria. The man or woman who cannot balance his obligation to the Lord with that to the family is not well suited to be a spouse. Marriage, as described in 1 Corinthians 7, is necessarily distracting from spiritual matters. It requires that attention be divided. The good spouse can rightly discern that balance. If you're searching/waiting for a mate, watch carefully for the person who can juggle well.
2 comments:
Sometimes I think it is wise to have parents arrange marriages. They MIGHT be based on sound judgement. In our culture, the young are often overtaken with hormones and sound judgement can't be found. Another lost need is for the dads to be the spiritual leaders who advise/teacher their sons and daughters wisdom and discernment in such matters from an early age. Such would also be modeled for the children too. Good thoughts to ponder.
I've often thought of how sad for men to serve the church and lose their children. Some seem to forget that raising children and being a godly spouse are ministries in and of themselves.
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