The Latest

Some of you know that I've been having some irritating physical symptoms lately. Most notably are a persistent sore throat, classic thyroid disorder symptoms, the most irritating of which is a feeling of constriction in my neck.

My thyroid levels were checked in April, resulting in a small tweak of my medicine. They were retested in May, revealing a satisfactory improvement. However, my symptoms have persisted, and, as I mentioned, been joined by a sore throat. A nurse practitioner told me last week, when I went for a third strep swab, that she detected multiple and large nodules on my thyroid. She suggested following through on that. After some unexpectedly lengthy process I had an appointment with a doctor today.

He doesn't think my thyroid is the problem, but rather digestive (stomach/esophagus). What the nurse thought was a large nodule was just my carotid artery. However, there is a small nodule on one side. The problem could be caused by my hiatal hernia. To me, that makes some sense. My feeling of constriction continues as a feeling of pressure down behind my sternum. However, other of my symptoms wouldn't be due to that, ie: sluggish brain function and significant hair loss.

For now, the plan is to have endoscopy and some more thorough examination of my thyroid. My appointment with the doctor who will do the scope isn't until July 19, which will be preliminary to the actual procedure. Because we will be gone shortly following that for a while, it is conceivable that the scope will not happen until August. Initially the doctor was going to order a thyroid scan, but it requires being off all thyroid medicine for a whole month. I should hear Friday what his next recommendation is.

In the meantime, I am, frankly, frustrated with myself. I do not have a good attitude about all this. When I've had these symptoms before (including the constriction), it has always been easily remedied with some small dosage change of my thyroid medicine. I am not happy to be feeling this sensation with no end in sight, lacking even knowledge of the reason for it.

In general, I am disappointed to find my attitude about the deterioration of the physical body one of frustration. I want to be one of those older people who can be suffering great things, but be smiling and unselfishly loving the world around them anyway. John's grandma was like that. I have often said that I want to be like her when I grow up. In that, she was definitely a mentor. However, I am proving to be a poor student.

Of course, what follows is that my character needs work. That's ok. It is. It's always good and right and noble to improve the quality of one's character - to aspire to be holy as He is holy. (1 Peter 1:15 - 16) It's disappointing to see a flaw where you thought there was strength. It feels a bit like the old idiom "it's back to the drawing board."

I am glad that God allows us to suffer hardship so that it might discipline us and yield the "peaceful fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:11) I have often thanked Him in the middle of some difficulty for what He is doing and for being the God who is sovereign and holy, always seeking my best interest. I now set myself on the path to sincerely doing so again.