Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas 2010
I really like to blog. I do. It sure does seem like there is usually something else to do, though. I really wanted to share a photographic description of our fun day. I really like my family, you know? =)
Michael plans to graduate in the Spring with his business accounting degree. That will launch him into the professional arena. Stacey, John and I got him this dress coat for use with his suit. He likely has an internship in the bag, Lord willing. He has a second interview to make sure he and the current employees go well together.
You can see me opening a large gift. Stacey, Michael, and Elizabeth got me a new grain mill!!! That is soooo exciting to me! I have really missed the other that broke 3 1/2 years ago.
Elizabeth discovered recently that the only sheet JW had for his bed was torn from top to bottom and that he didn't have any blankets. We decided to fix that problem and got him sheets and a comforter. He was pretty happy (but asked for a complimentary bed making =)
Stacey quickly opened this gift from Michael and Elizabeth, so I missed it. She obliged and posed for me =)
Michael and Elizabeth bought both the 2011 Guinness Book of World Records (pre-edited for us) and the newest Ripley's Believe It or Not (also edited) for all the kiddos who still live at home. They were pretty excited. They are fun books to browse - again and again.
Michael plans to graduate in the Spring with his business accounting degree. That will launch him into the professional arena. Stacey, John and I got him this dress coat for use with his suit. He likely has an internship in the bag, Lord willing. He has a second interview to make sure he and the current employees go well together.
You can see me opening a large gift. Stacey, Michael, and Elizabeth got me a new grain mill!!! That is soooo exciting to me! I have really missed the other that broke 3 1/2 years ago.
Elizabeth discovered recently that the only sheet JW had for his bed was torn from top to bottom and that he didn't have any blankets. We decided to fix that problem and got him sheets and a comforter. He was pretty happy (but asked for a complimentary bed making =)
Stacey quickly opened this gift from Michael and Elizabeth, so I missed it. She obliged and posed for me =)
Michael and Elizabeth bought both the 2011 Guinness Book of World Records (pre-edited for us) and the newest Ripley's Believe It or Not (also edited) for all the kiddos who still live at home. They were pretty excited. They are fun books to browse - again and again.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Matt
I know that the last post was quite melancholy. October 4th was a difficult, difficult day.
I might say, in answer to mom's question about Matt, that he is my other son (MOS, pronounced moss). Matt captured my heart years ago. His journey through almost eighteen years has been a hard one. He is adopted. His biological parental situation was bad. If I recall the facts correctly, he, at three years, was still solely eating from a bottle, couldn't walk well because his only exposure had been around the small inside perimeter of a playpen. He was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby.
He has been a difficult child to raise. I know this. I do. Somehow, though, I have always just seen potential in him. There was a time that I wondered if he also suffered from detachment disorder, but no, not all. I want to be sensitive and delicate with the following statements; I am a mother myself. His difficult ways have been a challenge almost repulsive to his mother. I do so wish that she'd been more tenacious and unconditional in her love, more consistent in discipline. His father has stood firmly in Matt's corner when it seemed hope was gone.
Matt spent time away from his family twice that I recall. The first time was in occurrence when we first met his family, so I cannot say much about that. The second time was a time in juvenile detention. I think it's debatable whether or not he really needed to be there, but while he was he was mistreated. He even suffered a broken bone at the impatient hands of a guard. (Matt would tell you that he provoked the man - greatly even, but the mistreatment was still that.) During that time Matt was out of control, and hope was shrouded in the darkness of doubt. It was so tempting to give up hope.
God heard so many, many prayers on behalf of Matt and has been merciful indeed. After the broken arm incident, his dad pushed and pushed to have Matt transferred elsewhere. I do not know why, but eventually that did happen. The new facility was much better, and Matt did begin to respond, learning well how to control his anger and be responsible.
He went back home a couple of years ago. All were on pins and needles wondering how he'd do with the "real world." He has amazed us by doing very well. No, it has not been an unflawed road. It has not, but he is still performing well academically and socially in school. He has shown humility spiritually, seeing his deviance and mourning over it. He has purposed improvement in his life.
You might imagine that Matt is a tough cookie. You'd be right in that. All along, though, I could see a boy who could love and be loved. When you've been stomped on again and again, you develop a thick and hard protective outer layer.
Matt and I had a good conversation this summer. I'd heard something unsettling through the grapevine about him that I wanted to verify. It was true. It wasn't sinful. I thought, however, it was a disastrous decision in the making and told him so. I needed to explain, because of that tough outer layer, that my concern was because I loved him and because I had such hope for his future. I also wanted him to know that he was my other son for keeps. I made him watch "The Blind Side" so he could see the relationship between the mom and Michael Oher. At one point in that movie, the mom, Leigh Anne, and Michael are in a bad part of town, making her a bit nervous. Michael assures her that he "has her back." That's how I feel about Matt. I know that he would always have my back and that if anyone messed with me he would "take them out." He assured me of that and added that he would likely not be self controlled in that situation. While *that* isn't good, it demonstrated his loyalty, which I never doubted.
Back to October 4th. Matt knew that I was having a hard day. He was so kind, so sweet, so comforting. He hugged me spontaneously and would just put his arm around me and stand there with me. He said little, but I was aware that he "had my back" that day.
That is who Matt is. My Other Son.
I might say, in answer to mom's question about Matt, that he is my other son (MOS, pronounced moss). Matt captured my heart years ago. His journey through almost eighteen years has been a hard one. He is adopted. His biological parental situation was bad. If I recall the facts correctly, he, at three years, was still solely eating from a bottle, couldn't walk well because his only exposure had been around the small inside perimeter of a playpen. He was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby.
He has been a difficult child to raise. I know this. I do. Somehow, though, I have always just seen potential in him. There was a time that I wondered if he also suffered from detachment disorder, but no, not all. I want to be sensitive and delicate with the following statements; I am a mother myself. His difficult ways have been a challenge almost repulsive to his mother. I do so wish that she'd been more tenacious and unconditional in her love, more consistent in discipline. His father has stood firmly in Matt's corner when it seemed hope was gone.
Matt spent time away from his family twice that I recall. The first time was in occurrence when we first met his family, so I cannot say much about that. The second time was a time in juvenile detention. I think it's debatable whether or not he really needed to be there, but while he was he was mistreated. He even suffered a broken bone at the impatient hands of a guard. (Matt would tell you that he provoked the man - greatly even, but the mistreatment was still that.) During that time Matt was out of control, and hope was shrouded in the darkness of doubt. It was so tempting to give up hope.
God heard so many, many prayers on behalf of Matt and has been merciful indeed. After the broken arm incident, his dad pushed and pushed to have Matt transferred elsewhere. I do not know why, but eventually that did happen. The new facility was much better, and Matt did begin to respond, learning well how to control his anger and be responsible.
He went back home a couple of years ago. All were on pins and needles wondering how he'd do with the "real world." He has amazed us by doing very well. No, it has not been an unflawed road. It has not, but he is still performing well academically and socially in school. He has shown humility spiritually, seeing his deviance and mourning over it. He has purposed improvement in his life.
You might imagine that Matt is a tough cookie. You'd be right in that. All along, though, I could see a boy who could love and be loved. When you've been stomped on again and again, you develop a thick and hard protective outer layer.
Matt and I had a good conversation this summer. I'd heard something unsettling through the grapevine about him that I wanted to verify. It was true. It wasn't sinful. I thought, however, it was a disastrous decision in the making and told him so. I needed to explain, because of that tough outer layer, that my concern was because I loved him and because I had such hope for his future. I also wanted him to know that he was my other son for keeps. I made him watch "The Blind Side" so he could see the relationship between the mom and Michael Oher. At one point in that movie, the mom, Leigh Anne, and Michael are in a bad part of town, making her a bit nervous. Michael assures her that he "has her back." That's how I feel about Matt. I know that he would always have my back and that if anyone messed with me he would "take them out." He assured me of that and added that he would likely not be self controlled in that situation. While *that* isn't good, it demonstrated his loyalty, which I never doubted.
Back to October 4th. Matt knew that I was having a hard day. He was so kind, so sweet, so comforting. He hugged me spontaneously and would just put his arm around me and stand there with me. He said little, but I was aware that he "had my back" that day.
That is who Matt is. My Other Son.
Monday, October 4, 2010
October 4
Some days are just memorable. Today is such a day.
Today was a Nothing Extra Is Going On Day. Do those really occur? We got about an hour and fifteen minutes of school in before I had to leave and take Jacob to the doctor. I thought we'd be back in a couple of hours. Nope. Don't mistake that "nope" for a complaint. I was actually grateful to be passed on to an orthopedic surgeon in the same day. Really it was more efficient that way. Really. It would have been nice to have the broken arm diagnosis Friday night when we left the emergency room, but we didn't. It's all good, right? Right.
Today was also I Cut Matt's Hair Day. That, too, is memorable because Matt rarely gets a haircut. I actually would post a picture, but my when I got my camera out to do so, the battery was dead.
Today was also Take My Heart Out And Put It On The Limb Day. I am not going to expound much on that. Just suffice it to say that sometimes - not very many sometimes though - I wonder why I so quickly and easily love people. There has been such joy in that, but such sorrow too. Sometimes it's hanging somewhere in the middle and I'm nervously wondering which side of the balance will receive the final tipping weight. The verdict is out, but it is too late to withdraw the heart. Once it's out there, it's out there.
October 4, 2010.
Today was a Nothing Extra Is Going On Day. Do those really occur? We got about an hour and fifteen minutes of school in before I had to leave and take Jacob to the doctor. I thought we'd be back in a couple of hours. Nope. Don't mistake that "nope" for a complaint. I was actually grateful to be passed on to an orthopedic surgeon in the same day. Really it was more efficient that way. Really. It would have been nice to have the broken arm diagnosis Friday night when we left the emergency room, but we didn't. It's all good, right? Right.
Today was also I Cut Matt's Hair Day. That, too, is memorable because Matt rarely gets a haircut. I actually would post a picture, but my when I got my camera out to do so, the battery was dead.
Today was also Take My Heart Out And Put It On The Limb Day. I am not going to expound much on that. Just suffice it to say that sometimes - not very many sometimes though - I wonder why I so quickly and easily love people. There has been such joy in that, but such sorrow too. Sometimes it's hanging somewhere in the middle and I'm nervously wondering which side of the balance will receive the final tipping weight. The verdict is out, but it is too late to withdraw the heart. Once it's out there, it's out there.
October 4, 2010.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
God's Blessings
A trunk load full of more frozen fruit arrived at our house tonight. Our freezer was full from the last round, so I removed anything at all that didn't *need* to be frozen, rearranged, and here you see the very full result. I froze probably 6 - 8 gallon bags of small diced peaches, 3 - 4 times that of diced apricots. I also am finishing up canning 10 quarts of blueberry syrup. I was a very good girl and got up at 6:30 this morning. It's now 3:36 AM, and I am *tired!* I have a busy day ahead of me too. Sleep's overrated, right?
I *am* so grateful for the abundance of fresh fruit and vegetables that God has blessed us with. He has done far beyond what I ever thought or imagined when I asked to Him to bless our garden. In addition to the produce of our garden, we have received likely 200 pounds or more of frozen fruit. Wow. Staggering. I am sure thanking Him tonight for such abundance and for our freezer which is very old, very large and, for today, still working.
I *am* so grateful for the abundance of fresh fruit and vegetables that God has blessed us with. He has done far beyond what I ever thought or imagined when I asked to Him to bless our garden. In addition to the produce of our garden, we have received likely 200 pounds or more of frozen fruit. Wow. Staggering. I am sure thanking Him tonight for such abundance and for our freezer which is very old, very large and, for today, still working.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Catching Up in Photos
It's 2:12 AM, and I'm waiting for blueberry syrup to boil for eight minutes so it can go in the canner. It's been a while (again) since I posted, so I thought I'd post pictures of things around here recently.
Monday, August 2, 2010
God's Provision
Yesterday I brought home 80 pounds of frozen blueberries, almost 10 gallons of frozen peach puree, and about 5 gallons of frozen, cubed pears - for only the price of the gas it took to pick it up.
It seems that a storage facility (in Marengo Cave) had a damaged pallet(s) of fruit. Some friends received half of a pick-up load of this product. They began to make offers to others, including us. I'm so excited and very, very grateful. One of the things we've had to cut back on over the last year is fruit. From this blessing and others in past months, I have so much fruit in my freezer now that it seems an endless bounty.
The picture is of a pot of spaghetti sauce that I made today with tomatoes from our garden and ground beef that a friend shared. It also has zucchini from our garden and fresh garlic from a friend's house. I imagine it will fill at least 10 quart jars. Next to the spaghetti sauce you can see a pressure canner that has 7 quarts of green beans from our garden. A friend and I canned my favorite relish several weeks ago, yielding 9 pints. This was made with cucumbers and green tomatoes from our garden, as well as other ingredients that I got at bargain prices.
I already have several containers of cubed zucchini in the freezer and 1 1/2 gallon bags of green beans, both from the garden.
It is such a wonderful thing to watch the abundance which flows from the hand of our God! I am humbled and grateful for it all.
It seems that a storage facility (in Marengo Cave) had a damaged pallet(s) of fruit. Some friends received half of a pick-up load of this product. They began to make offers to others, including us. I'm so excited and very, very grateful. One of the things we've had to cut back on over the last year is fruit. From this blessing and others in past months, I have so much fruit in my freezer now that it seems an endless bounty.The picture is of a pot of spaghetti sauce that I made today with tomatoes from our garden and ground beef that a friend shared. It also has zucchini from our garden and fresh garlic from a friend's house. I imagine it will fill at least 10 quart jars. Next to the spaghetti sauce you can see a pressure canner that has 7 quarts of green beans from our garden. A friend and I canned my favorite relish several weeks ago, yielding 9 pints. This was made with cucumbers and green tomatoes from our garden, as well as other ingredients that I got at bargain prices.
I already have several containers of cubed zucchini in the freezer and 1 1/2 gallon bags of green beans, both from the garden.
It is such a wonderful thing to watch the abundance which flows from the hand of our God! I am humbled and grateful for it all.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Four Turned Three
These four children were born within seven weeks of each other in 2007. We had a little party for them Friday night. Between us, I think we have pictures from a couple of stages of pregnancy
to these 3 year photos. From left to right they are Haelley (July 25), Silas (July 10), Libby (June 7), and Jason (June 10). Interesting trivia: Haelley is related to Silas and Jason.
to these 3 year photos. From left to right they are Haelley (July 25), Silas (July 10), Libby (June 7), and Jason (June 10). Interesting trivia: Haelley is related to Silas and Jason.
Miscellaneous
We have two very healthy pumpkin plants coming up from compost. Between them there are five or six pumpkins. We had chosen a spot for the garden, composted there for a while, then decided to put a volleyball court there instead. The area was leveled, moving the higher middle off to the 
sides. The pumpkin survived all that and are coming up along the fence around the court.
We had a great opportunity to go the Conner Prairie Living History Museum recently. They had a community day on which admission was FREE. We went with some friends and Michael, Elizabeth and family. It was a memorable day.
sides. The pumpkin survived all that and are coming up along the fence around the court.We had a great opportunity to go the Conner Prairie Living History Museum recently. They had a community day on which admission was FREE. We went with some friends and Michael, Elizabeth and family. It was a memorable day.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
A Thought Provoking Conversation
I had a phone conversation tonight that has left me thinking. The other person shared a thought that surely a third dimension to ourselves exists that, perhaps, we don't think about. I think it's true that we often think of ourselves as having a physical body as well as a mind to go along with it. We're missing something, though. During the conversation, the familiar phrase, "mind over matter" was said to be true but not complete. If it is true that we can control what our bodies do by an act of our mental will, then shouldn't it follow that we can control our mind by some other dimension of our make up? Perhaps, it was said, we might think of this as our conscience. Whatever we might call it, isn't it important to acknowledge it? It surely isn't any less important to control what our minds do than to control what our bodies do. When I think about it, I have observed in myself and others, the omission of this third dimension. This really does create quite a problem because if my mind can control my body (which will manifest outwardly and potentially touch other people) then there must be a a control panel for the mind. The mind, alone, is utterly incapable of sticking with the truth about what the body tells it it wants. There must be that third dimension that is guided by an objective Standard, that moors us to the truth about what our bodies should do. Further, isn't that often missed component where we find such noble things as courage and selflessness. We all laud these things, but do we exercise control over our will that we might choose to be defrauded, or to allow emotional or physical hurt for the good of another, or the noblest of all, to lay down our life that another might live - even our enemy? Most important of all, don't you think that is precisely what caused Jesus to have victory over every temptation (the same ones we face) and thus be qualified to become our Sacrifice?
Maybe we don't use that control over our minds because we fear what might be the consequence. We lack the long term thinking that is required to bring the mind to integrity so that it can rightly and bravely direct "matter" rather than try at all cost to preserve self. Jesus possessed that ability to look ahead, beyond the now, beyond the fear, beyond the suffering, to the greater and nobler good. He trusted the Father. Do I? Do I believe that God really parted the sea, rained food from the skies, and annihilated 180,000 enemy soldiers overnight with one angel? If so, then I must be trained by that knowledge to act decisively as I conquer not only "matter" but "mind" as well.
"...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1b - 3
"Oh Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? (Don't you want to know who? Don't I? God is generous and gives the description of the man who can live with Him): "He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart. He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend; in whose eyes a reprobate is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord; he swears to his own hurt and does not change; he does not put out his money at interest, nor does he take a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken." Psalm 15
Maybe we don't use that control over our minds because we fear what might be the consequence. We lack the long term thinking that is required to bring the mind to integrity so that it can rightly and bravely direct "matter" rather than try at all cost to preserve self. Jesus possessed that ability to look ahead, beyond the now, beyond the fear, beyond the suffering, to the greater and nobler good. He trusted the Father. Do I? Do I believe that God really parted the sea, rained food from the skies, and annihilated 180,000 enemy soldiers overnight with one angel? If so, then I must be trained by that knowledge to act decisively as I conquer not only "matter" but "mind" as well.
"...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1b - 3
"Oh Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? (Don't you want to know who? Don't I? God is generous and gives the description of the man who can live with Him): "He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart. He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend; in whose eyes a reprobate is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord; he swears to his own hurt and does not change; he does not put out his money at interest, nor does he take a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken." Psalm 15
The BIG Truck
John, on a really busy work day, offered to make two deliveries on his way home from work, one of which was not far from home. The very large truck was a big attraction to the kids. The picture of Brennan was snapped as he started making "car noises." John sent the picture of Brennan to his boss and told him they had a new driver. Maybe John won't have to make any more deliveries now. Thanks, Brennan.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Becoming Like Jesus
I really do wish I could blog multiple times a day, much like I text, and much like a famous female author from long ago. She (I believe Bess Streeter Aldrich, but I get mixed up and think maybe it's really Gene Stratton Porter) is reported to have been a busy mom. It is further said that she carried a pad of paper and pencil in her apron pocket so she could jot things down as she thought about them. Her literary endeavors must teem with such scratchings. It would be nice to blog like that. Just snippets as I think of them. It might be a funny thing a child said or did. Or it might be some profound thought I had. Most of them slip away, completely unremembered.
In recent weeks, many people we know have given birth. In the last forty-eight hours, I know of two deaths, both occurring on July 4th. Babies slip into the world to drug addicts and to mothers of sterling character. People, young and old, slip out of the world mostly unnoticed but by a few. On one hand, there's nothing remarkable about either event. On the other, both occasions are Most Significant.
The human masses sometimes seem no more significant than a herd of cattle. Then suddenly an individual face from the mass is before you. Their look of fear or elation, of boredom or intensity find a way into your consciousness. Ah, now there's a conundrum. Once the whole of humanity presents itself in just one person, we find ourselves needing to decide how that one fits into our dimension and pondering what obligations might exist. It is one thing to see an aerial view of a congested interstate and quite another to see one face of terror in one car as it spins into a grave peril.
The incarnate Jesus can heal a woman he'd not seen or heard. He simply "feels" her presence as He healed her by default to His deity. It is His nature to help humble and ailing men in trouble. In Him is no need for decision making. His nature is righteous, His orientation focused singularly on the Father. As a result, in any circumstance, He will act with perfect poise and with precise and perfectly timed execution.
We must put upon Him our weakness and beg for Him to transform us into His likeness. We must not let the one who crosses our path go away untouched by His goodness working in us. It surely must become second nature to perceive a need and possess the wisdom to act with the same precision and concern we see in The Master.
My thoughts and funny stories slip away often, but what of the people I know or see? Do they go the way of my small daily thoughts and observations? Are my senses trained to perceive the hurting or struggling person within my circle of existence? I need to know that behind the tiny newborn eyes lies a soul. I need to be moved to practical compassion for the grieved, for the lost, and for any troubled one at all whom God would allow to pop up from the masses in front of me.
Immediately Jesus, perceiving in Himself that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth, turned around in the crowd and said , "Who touched My garments?" Mark 5:30
In recent weeks, many people we know have given birth. In the last forty-eight hours, I know of two deaths, both occurring on July 4th. Babies slip into the world to drug addicts and to mothers of sterling character. People, young and old, slip out of the world mostly unnoticed but by a few. On one hand, there's nothing remarkable about either event. On the other, both occasions are Most Significant.
The human masses sometimes seem no more significant than a herd of cattle. Then suddenly an individual face from the mass is before you. Their look of fear or elation, of boredom or intensity find a way into your consciousness. Ah, now there's a conundrum. Once the whole of humanity presents itself in just one person, we find ourselves needing to decide how that one fits into our dimension and pondering what obligations might exist. It is one thing to see an aerial view of a congested interstate and quite another to see one face of terror in one car as it spins into a grave peril.
The incarnate Jesus can heal a woman he'd not seen or heard. He simply "feels" her presence as He healed her by default to His deity. It is His nature to help humble and ailing men in trouble. In Him is no need for decision making. His nature is righteous, His orientation focused singularly on the Father. As a result, in any circumstance, He will act with perfect poise and with precise and perfectly timed execution.
We must put upon Him our weakness and beg for Him to transform us into His likeness. We must not let the one who crosses our path go away untouched by His goodness working in us. It surely must become second nature to perceive a need and possess the wisdom to act with the same precision and concern we see in The Master.
My thoughts and funny stories slip away often, but what of the people I know or see? Do they go the way of my small daily thoughts and observations? Are my senses trained to perceive the hurting or struggling person within my circle of existence? I need to know that behind the tiny newborn eyes lies a soul. I need to be moved to practical compassion for the grieved, for the lost, and for any troubled one at all whom God would allow to pop up from the masses in front of me.
Immediately Jesus, perceiving in Himself that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth, turned around in the crowd and said , "Who touched My garments?" Mark 5:30
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
A Test
It's been a while since I posted any pictures because I ran out of google storage space =( I was pretty sure I had it all taken care of, but wanted to make sure before exercising futility. This picture was taken before a fund raising banquet that Joshua and Jacob attended. If you manage to see it, I just might post more pics of the last several weeks.
The Latest
Some of you know that I've been having some irritating physical symptoms lately. Most notably are a persistent sore throat, classic thyroid disorder symptoms, the most irritating of which is a feeling of constriction in my neck.
My thyroid levels were checked in April, resulting in a small tweak of my medicine. They were retested in May, revealing a satisfactory improvement. However, my symptoms have persisted, and, as I mentioned, been joined by a sore throat. A nurse practitioner told me last week, when I went for a third strep swab, that she detected multiple and large nodules on my thyroid. She suggested following through on that. After some unexpectedly lengthy process I had an appointment with a doctor today.
He doesn't think my thyroid is the problem, but rather digestive (stomach/esophagus). What the nurse thought was a large nodule was just my carotid artery. However, there is a small nodule on one side. The problem could be caused by my hiatal hernia. To me, that makes some sense. My feeling of constriction continues as a feeling of pressure down behind my sternum. However, other of my symptoms wouldn't be due to that, ie: sluggish brain function and significant hair loss.
For now, the plan is to have endoscopy and some more thorough examination of my thyroid. My appointment with the doctor who will do the scope isn't until July 19, which will be preliminary to the actual procedure. Because we will be gone shortly following that for a while, it is conceivable that the scope will not happen until August. Initially the doctor was going to order a thyroid scan, but it requires being off all thyroid medicine for a whole month. I should hear Friday what his next recommendation is.
In the meantime, I am, frankly, frustrated with myself. I do not have a good attitude about all this. When I've had these symptoms before (including the constriction), it has always been easily remedied with some small dosage change of my thyroid medicine. I am not happy to be feeling this sensation with no end in sight, lacking even knowledge of the reason for it.
In general, I am disappointed to find my attitude about the deterioration of the physical body one of frustration. I want to be one of those older people who can be suffering great things, but be smiling and unselfishly loving the world around them anyway. John's grandma was like that. I have often said that I want to be like her when I grow up. In that, she was definitely a mentor. However, I am proving to be a poor student.
Of course, what follows is that my character needs work. That's ok. It is. It's always good and right and noble to improve the quality of one's character - to aspire to be holy as He is holy. (1 Peter 1:15 - 16) It's disappointing to see a flaw where you thought there was strength. It feels a bit like the old idiom "it's back to the drawing board."
I am glad that God allows us to suffer hardship so that it might discipline us and yield the "peaceful fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:11) I have often thanked Him in the middle of some difficulty for what He is doing and for being the God who is sovereign and holy, always seeking my best interest. I now set myself on the path to sincerely doing so again.
My thyroid levels were checked in April, resulting in a small tweak of my medicine. They were retested in May, revealing a satisfactory improvement. However, my symptoms have persisted, and, as I mentioned, been joined by a sore throat. A nurse practitioner told me last week, when I went for a third strep swab, that she detected multiple and large nodules on my thyroid. She suggested following through on that. After some unexpectedly lengthy process I had an appointment with a doctor today.
He doesn't think my thyroid is the problem, but rather digestive (stomach/esophagus). What the nurse thought was a large nodule was just my carotid artery. However, there is a small nodule on one side. The problem could be caused by my hiatal hernia. To me, that makes some sense. My feeling of constriction continues as a feeling of pressure down behind my sternum. However, other of my symptoms wouldn't be due to that, ie: sluggish brain function and significant hair loss.
For now, the plan is to have endoscopy and some more thorough examination of my thyroid. My appointment with the doctor who will do the scope isn't until July 19, which will be preliminary to the actual procedure. Because we will be gone shortly following that for a while, it is conceivable that the scope will not happen until August. Initially the doctor was going to order a thyroid scan, but it requires being off all thyroid medicine for a whole month. I should hear Friday what his next recommendation is.
In the meantime, I am, frankly, frustrated with myself. I do not have a good attitude about all this. When I've had these symptoms before (including the constriction), it has always been easily remedied with some small dosage change of my thyroid medicine. I am not happy to be feeling this sensation with no end in sight, lacking even knowledge of the reason for it.
In general, I am disappointed to find my attitude about the deterioration of the physical body one of frustration. I want to be one of those older people who can be suffering great things, but be smiling and unselfishly loving the world around them anyway. John's grandma was like that. I have often said that I want to be like her when I grow up. In that, she was definitely a mentor. However, I am proving to be a poor student.
Of course, what follows is that my character needs work. That's ok. It is. It's always good and right and noble to improve the quality of one's character - to aspire to be holy as He is holy. (1 Peter 1:15 - 16) It's disappointing to see a flaw where you thought there was strength. It feels a bit like the old idiom "it's back to the drawing board."
I am glad that God allows us to suffer hardship so that it might discipline us and yield the "peaceful fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:11) I have often thanked Him in the middle of some difficulty for what He is doing and for being the God who is sovereign and holy, always seeking my best interest. I now set myself on the path to sincerely doing so again.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Go Nancy!
Nancy, in her male dominated home, often gets told that she can't do something. Climbing this rope, that is attached to a swing (not stationary
) and about twelve feet long, was one of them. She's been giving it sporadic attention, and today she did it! In fact, she held on long enough for me to go see her then run to get my phone for taking the picture.
Please don't tell him I told you, but Josiah has been trying too. He went out directly after Nancy's accomplishment and couldn't climb it. I quickly told his brothers and sister not to say a thing about it to him or I'd rub their noses in all the things they can't do that he can.
For all of Nancy's frill and drama, she does have a bit of a tomboy streak in her. I like that.
) and about twelve feet long, was one of them. She's been giving it sporadic attention, and today she did it! In fact, she held on long enough for me to go see her then run to get my phone for taking the picture. Please don't tell him I told you, but Josiah has been trying too. He went out directly after Nancy's accomplishment and couldn't climb it. I quickly told his brothers and sister not to say a thing about it to him or I'd rub their noses in all the things they can't do that he can.
For all of Nancy's frill and drama, she does have a bit of a tomboy streak in her. I like that.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Frugal Living 2
The second rule, I think, of being frugal is to work harder. Generally, convenience costs. Saving money - living on less - means working harder. For me, this is usually an easy choice, but sometimes a decision has to be made between time and money. Some say "time is money." While that may be true for one whose work yields a paycheck, it is not so for me. However, time is sometimes the setting of right priorities. Already, the work of frugality excludes from my routine things of real value, like more story reading and game playing.
These are things that I work at in lieu of convenience:
Dry beans instead of canned
Homemade breakfast instead of cereal
Gardening instead of store bought (a work in progress)
Hand washing larger dishes to put more in each load of the dishwasher
Removing stains from clothes rather than replacing
Sometimes creating my own curriculum instead of buying
Cutting hair myself
Washing cars the old fashioned way - at home with a hose
(Right now) pulling, hoeing, whacking, or ignoring grass the mower won't get instead of a motorized trimmer
We actually trimmed many large limbs from trees with an ax or hatchet instead of a chainsaw
Turning the garden with a spade instead of a tiller (in part anyway)
Making most Christmas gifts using mostly what I already had on hand
Making a special meal for a birthday rather than going out
Making pizza (with more crust and less toppings and cheese) instead of store or restaurant purchase
These are conveniences that I indulge in to save some much needed time:
Cheap paper plates for dry meals (I found it interesting reading the Dugger's book recently that they always use disposable plates unless it's a very special occasion. When the styrofoam comes out their kids remark about the use of china =)
Automatic dishwasher (filled to capacity)
Driving 2 1/2 miles to the store instead of walking
Thrift store clothes or dramatically reduced clearance prices instead of yard sales weekend after weekend. (It would take a lot of yard sales to come up with all the clothing we need!)
Recently - and this is a real money ouch! - buying tall sizes for Joshua on sale instead of sewing or altering
Internet for faster research and easier correspondence (Recently, I decided that if we are going to pay for Internet, we will correspond with it as much as possible, largely leaving handwritten thank you notes, personal and business letters behind.)
Store bought bread for sandwiches. (I do make bread for snacks or breakfast toast)
These lists, I'm sure, are only partial. Probably as soon as I sign out, I'll think of more. I might underline something from my previous post on this topic. Sometimes being frugal means settling for less than you know is best. That is perhaps the hardest part of contentment for me. We have cut way, way back on the amount of fruit and vegetables we eat. There is simply not room in the budget unless it is an outstanding deal. I have purposed to try and eat, as much as possible, foods that are good for us, like beans instead of junk. (Sadly, the junk is often cheaper than the healthy.) If I could spend many, many hours in my kitchen, I would eliminate even more unhealthy things - like refined peanut butter, jelly, and store bought bread. Again, it comes down to priorities. I have had to remind myself that the Bible is plain about what is most important - the physical body or the soul. If store bought, squishy bread allows me to tell my kiddos a Bible story every day and help them learn the books of the Bible, the judges, kings and other Bible things, so be it. I'll trust God for the rest.
These are things that I work at in lieu of convenience:
Dry beans instead of canned
Homemade breakfast instead of cereal
Gardening instead of store bought (a work in progress)
Hand washing larger dishes to put more in each load of the dishwasher
Removing stains from clothes rather than replacing
Sometimes creating my own curriculum instead of buying
Cutting hair myself
Washing cars the old fashioned way - at home with a hose
(Right now) pulling, hoeing, whacking, or ignoring grass the mower won't get instead of a motorized trimmer
We actually trimmed many large limbs from trees with an ax or hatchet instead of a chainsaw
Turning the garden with a spade instead of a tiller (in part anyway)
Making most Christmas gifts using mostly what I already had on hand
Making a special meal for a birthday rather than going out
Making pizza (with more crust and less toppings and cheese) instead of store or restaurant purchase
These are conveniences that I indulge in to save some much needed time:
Cheap paper plates for dry meals (I found it interesting reading the Dugger's book recently that they always use disposable plates unless it's a very special occasion. When the styrofoam comes out their kids remark about the use of china =)
Automatic dishwasher (filled to capacity)
Driving 2 1/2 miles to the store instead of walking
Thrift store clothes or dramatically reduced clearance prices instead of yard sales weekend after weekend. (It would take a lot of yard sales to come up with all the clothing we need!)
Recently - and this is a real money ouch! - buying tall sizes for Joshua on sale instead of sewing or altering
Internet for faster research and easier correspondence (Recently, I decided that if we are going to pay for Internet, we will correspond with it as much as possible, largely leaving handwritten thank you notes, personal and business letters behind.)
Store bought bread for sandwiches. (I do make bread for snacks or breakfast toast)
These lists, I'm sure, are only partial. Probably as soon as I sign out, I'll think of more. I might underline something from my previous post on this topic. Sometimes being frugal means settling for less than you know is best. That is perhaps the hardest part of contentment for me. We have cut way, way back on the amount of fruit and vegetables we eat. There is simply not room in the budget unless it is an outstanding deal. I have purposed to try and eat, as much as possible, foods that are good for us, like beans instead of junk. (Sadly, the junk is often cheaper than the healthy.) If I could spend many, many hours in my kitchen, I would eliminate even more unhealthy things - like refined peanut butter, jelly, and store bought bread. Again, it comes down to priorities. I have had to remind myself that the Bible is plain about what is most important - the physical body or the soul. If store bought, squishy bread allows me to tell my kiddos a Bible story every day and help them learn the books of the Bible, the judges, kings and other Bible things, so be it. I'll trust God for the rest.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Frugal Living
For nearly nine months now, being frugal has been a necessary part of life, and so, it envelopes a large portion of my daily thoughts. It's my goal to share what is making being frugal a fun and intriguing challenge instead of a drudgery.
The first rule of frugality, and the only one which will sustain it for a lifetime, is contentment. Being satisfied with the way things are lends a huge helping hand to the quest for living on less. Contentment sounds simple, but it can be very tricky at times. Americans, especially, have a very high standard of living. (Our gross national product distribution in 2005 was first in the world, being more than two and a half times that of the second place nation, Japan.) Most of us cannot even begin to list those things which are truly unnecessary for day to day living because we've become so accustomed to relative wealth. Sadly, it is true that abundance is a fertile breeding ground for discontentment. The more we have, the more we want and feel that we need.
Gratitude is, I think, the driving force behind contentment. When we live a life of habitual gratitude, we more easily find satisfaction. When, with gratitude, we bring our supplications before God, we acknowledge that what He provides is enough. Sometimes gratitude is a game of Pollyanna. We must look for the good intertwined with the ugly and the difficult. The ugly and the difficult become those things which point us toward God, to see that He is wise and generous to us always, no matter our levels of prosperity or ease. Gratitude is naturally happy and cheerful, which are emotions that breed contentment.
Everyone must identify his own categories of weakness regarding discontentment. Below, I'm listing some things I've had to conquer, or am still working to conquer. When you really begin to analyze your thinking honestly, it is amazing what you discover you can live without.
Broken Things
If the windshield on the car is cracked but not creating a barrier to visibility, it can go unfixed.
If the storm door flies off in a storm, damaging the frame too, it can be removed rather than replaced.
If the refrigerator handle breaks off, the door can be opened by pulling the lip between the edge of the door and the seal.
If the comb snaps in two, you can comb your hair with half of the comb.
If the leg of the couch breaks, the rest can be removed too, or a block of wood can be put in the place where the leg used to be.
If the couch upholstery is torn, it can be repaired with yarn, fishing line, heavy duty thread, etc.
If the couch upholstery is so torn that is cannot be sewn closed, it can used anyway - even when company comes.
If the blow dryer breaks, hair can air dry.
Food
I've been told that those who investigate child neglect check refrigerators and pantries for abundance. Having a four month store of dry beans and rice in the laundry room will satisfy any hungry tummy. The pantry and fridge may be nearly empty, but that doesn't mean that starvation is imminent.
Relatively speaking, three meals every day is abundant. Snacks are a luxury. (In Brazil - and maybe many other nations in the top 20 of the Gross National Product distribution - they generally eat two meals in a day. Both meals will consist of beans and rice. A "wealthier" family may be able to add small bits of meat or vegetables to their beans.)
Look around at your fellow countrymen. Obesity is prevalent. More than 30% of Americans are obese (which is a body mass index of at least 30). The top 28 most obese nations in the world (of which we are first) have an average obesity just under 15%. Americans could get by with far less food methinks.
Entertainment
Eating out is not necessary - ever.
Having a TV and/or watching movies is not necessary - ever.
Seeing a movie in the theater is not necessary - ever.
Attending shows or sporting events is not necessary - ever.
Going to museums, the zoo and elaborate botanical gardens is not necessary - ever.
Again, the subject is contentment. I would not suggest that any of the above are bad things to do, but they are not necessary. We can be entertained satisfactorily with a set of dice, or with the telling of jokes, or the making of shadows upon the wall, or reading a book from the library, or taking a nature walk, or lying on the grass staring at the clouds until they seem to be anything you can imagine, or telling stories - true or made up, or throwing a ball back and forth, or running races. On and on the list can go.
Clothes
While the standard of dress in our country has actually descended, it still far exceeds what is necessary. We have closets full of clothes - some that we rarely or never wear. At our house, hand-me-downs come in the door by the bag full. We receive far more than we can use. We think we must have just the right thing for the right occasion, but that, too, is unnecessary. At a wedding we attended a few days ago, I noticed a woman wearing a pair of fuchsia colored shoes which matched her dress. I wondered at the extravagance we're accustomed to. It is humbling to appear in public dressed less than culturally expected, but it is not a matter of character. It is pride that taunts us to turn that embarrassment into the discontentment that screams at us to label needs and wants wrongly.
We recently studied Amos 6. I close with the first eight verses. (I realize that we see righteous people in the Bible who were wealthy, but I also know that Jesus warned that the rich - and relatively speaking, the vast majority of Americans are - have a very difficult time finding their way to the humility of salvation.)
How terrible it will be for you who have it easy in Jerusalem. How terrible for you who live on Mount Samaria and feel safe. You think you are important people of the best nation in the world. The Israelites come to you for help. Go look at the city of Calneh. From there go to the great city Hamath. Go down to Gath of the Philistines. Are you better than these kingdoms? Are their lands larger than yours? You put off the day of punishment. But you bring near the day when you can do evil to others. You lie on beds decorated with ivory. You stretch out on your couches. You eat tender lambs and fattened calves. You play your harps. Like David, you compose songs on musical instruments. You drink wine by the bowlful. You use the best perfumed lotions. But you are not sad over the ruin of Israel, Joseph's descendants. So you will be some of the first ones take as slaves. Your feasting and lying around will come to an end. The Lord God made this promise. The Lord God of heaven's armies says: "I hate the pride of the people of Israel. I hate their strong towers. So I will let the enemy take the city and everything in it.
~International Children's Bible
The first rule of frugality, and the only one which will sustain it for a lifetime, is contentment. Being satisfied with the way things are lends a huge helping hand to the quest for living on less. Contentment sounds simple, but it can be very tricky at times. Americans, especially, have a very high standard of living. (Our gross national product distribution in 2005 was first in the world, being more than two and a half times that of the second place nation, Japan.) Most of us cannot even begin to list those things which are truly unnecessary for day to day living because we've become so accustomed to relative wealth. Sadly, it is true that abundance is a fertile breeding ground for discontentment. The more we have, the more we want and feel that we need.
Gratitude is, I think, the driving force behind contentment. When we live a life of habitual gratitude, we more easily find satisfaction. When, with gratitude, we bring our supplications before God, we acknowledge that what He provides is enough. Sometimes gratitude is a game of Pollyanna. We must look for the good intertwined with the ugly and the difficult. The ugly and the difficult become those things which point us toward God, to see that He is wise and generous to us always, no matter our levels of prosperity or ease. Gratitude is naturally happy and cheerful, which are emotions that breed contentment.
Everyone must identify his own categories of weakness regarding discontentment. Below, I'm listing some things I've had to conquer, or am still working to conquer. When you really begin to analyze your thinking honestly, it is amazing what you discover you can live without.
Broken Things
If the windshield on the car is cracked but not creating a barrier to visibility, it can go unfixed.
If the storm door flies off in a storm, damaging the frame too, it can be removed rather than replaced.
If the refrigerator handle breaks off, the door can be opened by pulling the lip between the edge of the door and the seal.
If the comb snaps in two, you can comb your hair with half of the comb.
If the leg of the couch breaks, the rest can be removed too, or a block of wood can be put in the place where the leg used to be.
If the couch upholstery is torn, it can be repaired with yarn, fishing line, heavy duty thread, etc.
If the couch upholstery is so torn that is cannot be sewn closed, it can used anyway - even when company comes.
If the blow dryer breaks, hair can air dry.
Food
I've been told that those who investigate child neglect check refrigerators and pantries for abundance. Having a four month store of dry beans and rice in the laundry room will satisfy any hungry tummy. The pantry and fridge may be nearly empty, but that doesn't mean that starvation is imminent.
Relatively speaking, three meals every day is abundant. Snacks are a luxury. (In Brazil - and maybe many other nations in the top 20 of the Gross National Product distribution - they generally eat two meals in a day. Both meals will consist of beans and rice. A "wealthier" family may be able to add small bits of meat or vegetables to their beans.)
Look around at your fellow countrymen. Obesity is prevalent. More than 30% of Americans are obese (which is a body mass index of at least 30). The top 28 most obese nations in the world (of which we are first) have an average obesity just under 15%. Americans could get by with far less food methinks.
Entertainment
Eating out is not necessary - ever.
Having a TV and/or watching movies is not necessary - ever.
Seeing a movie in the theater is not necessary - ever.
Attending shows or sporting events is not necessary - ever.
Going to museums, the zoo and elaborate botanical gardens is not necessary - ever.
Again, the subject is contentment. I would not suggest that any of the above are bad things to do, but they are not necessary. We can be entertained satisfactorily with a set of dice, or with the telling of jokes, or the making of shadows upon the wall, or reading a book from the library, or taking a nature walk, or lying on the grass staring at the clouds until they seem to be anything you can imagine, or telling stories - true or made up, or throwing a ball back and forth, or running races. On and on the list can go.
Clothes
While the standard of dress in our country has actually descended, it still far exceeds what is necessary. We have closets full of clothes - some that we rarely or never wear. At our house, hand-me-downs come in the door by the bag full. We receive far more than we can use. We think we must have just the right thing for the right occasion, but that, too, is unnecessary. At a wedding we attended a few days ago, I noticed a woman wearing a pair of fuchsia colored shoes which matched her dress. I wondered at the extravagance we're accustomed to. It is humbling to appear in public dressed less than culturally expected, but it is not a matter of character. It is pride that taunts us to turn that embarrassment into the discontentment that screams at us to label needs and wants wrongly.
We recently studied Amos 6. I close with the first eight verses. (I realize that we see righteous people in the Bible who were wealthy, but I also know that Jesus warned that the rich - and relatively speaking, the vast majority of Americans are - have a very difficult time finding their way to the humility of salvation.)
How terrible it will be for you who have it easy in Jerusalem. How terrible for you who live on Mount Samaria and feel safe. You think you are important people of the best nation in the world. The Israelites come to you for help. Go look at the city of Calneh. From there go to the great city Hamath. Go down to Gath of the Philistines. Are you better than these kingdoms? Are their lands larger than yours? You put off the day of punishment. But you bring near the day when you can do evil to others. You lie on beds decorated with ivory. You stretch out on your couches. You eat tender lambs and fattened calves. You play your harps. Like David, you compose songs on musical instruments. You drink wine by the bowlful. You use the best perfumed lotions. But you are not sad over the ruin of Israel, Joseph's descendants. So you will be some of the first ones take as slaves. Your feasting and lying around will come to an end. The Lord God made this promise. The Lord God of heaven's armies says: "I hate the pride of the people of Israel. I hate their strong towers. So I will let the enemy take the city and everything in it.
~International Children's Bible
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Pride Goes Before a Fall
I loved this 5 1/2 years ago. Rediscovering it today confirmed that love relationship. Enjoy. Laugh. Have a great week remembering to have perspective about your true place in the scheme of things. Hahahahaha!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Take Up Your Cross
Friday morning as I turned out on the highway from our street, I saw flashing lights and backed up traffic ahead. As I got nearer, I was able to see that traffic was moving, just slowly. Then a little while later (enough to make me late for an appointment) I could see that the sheriff was escorting a Good Friday procession. Making even more headway, I could see that the man carrying the cross had big padding between his shoulder and the cross. As I passed the procession which had moved to the shoulder, I laughed to see that there was a wheel attached to the bottom of the vertical piece. I laughed because this "reenactment" was so far from the reality of Jesus' fight to Golgotha.
Laughter turned to serious thought a moment later as I thought about how this applied to me. Have I picked up my cross each day only after shielding myself from its pain? Have I watered down the will of God for my life as I carry my daily cross?
It wasn't funny anymore.
Laughter turned to serious thought a moment later as I thought about how this applied to me. Have I picked up my cross each day only after shielding myself from its pain? Have I watered down the will of God for my life as I carry my daily cross?
It wasn't funny anymore.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Stress
I heard from a friend tonight. She was wondering about the fact that she'd not heard from me in almost a month. Ever since, I've been swallowing down the lump in my throat and willing away tears. See, I love this friend, miss her. I've talked so many times about wishing I could go visit her. I've fretted over her health problems, and prayed for her. It is true, though, that none of this matters because she didn't know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today IT pursued me and oppressed me. As IT did, there was a little temper flare just under the surface, tears about to start over dumb stuff, and guilt taunting me with wicked laughter. IT ties knots in my shoulder muscles, puts a gnawing in my gut, and gets my head to pounding. I wish that the real world allowed me to slash the life out of IT. However, IT is elusive and tricky. IT appears by my choice, and IT appears without deliberation. IT tempts me, like few things, to be what I should not be. IT begs me to quit, to grumble and be discontent, and to hunt down something or someone to blame. Honestly, IT is annoying.
IT is stress. IT is that ugly, ugly thing that alters your world. We do sometimes create our own stress. We do. I remember well, though, a friend, who'd been going through a messy divorce with her daughter, saying that you can't always eliminate stress. Her doctor had told her that a crucial answer to her health problems was to get rid of stress. Ha! Sometimes life is stressful. It is. Sometimes we make poor choices that invite stress, but often, IT makes ITS own way in the door. The latter has been the story lately. It is preposterous to think that you might get up one morning wishing for - planning - an emergency trip to the hospital, or to clean up a whole quart of vegetable oil from the floor, or (in honor of Mom) to remove a whole jar of Vaseline from the hair and body of a feverishly sick little one (in the middle of preparing for a birthday party).
I am all for taking life by the horns and bringing it under control. I think that's a worthy endeavor. Sometimes, though, life wriggles out of your fist, yanks you up by the collar, and takes off running with you bouncing and bruising behind it. And in the middle of that bouncy, nightmarish ride, there must be sanity, a smile, and calm, composed pretending that life is still firmly held in your hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So what to tell my friend? I love her. I hope so much for her. I can give her excuses, which may really be reasons, but that is inadequate to make her feel wanted and loved. What she really needed was an email three weeks ago, but that was three weeks ago. This is now. She is hurt. I could have typed an email to her in the time it took to type this, but that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted an email without asking for it. Really, she deserved it. But I didn't write it.
Just for one week, I wish IT would go jump in the tempestuous sea and drown, leaving me to leisurely write to my friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today IT pursued me and oppressed me. As IT did, there was a little temper flare just under the surface, tears about to start over dumb stuff, and guilt taunting me with wicked laughter. IT ties knots in my shoulder muscles, puts a gnawing in my gut, and gets my head to pounding. I wish that the real world allowed me to slash the life out of IT. However, IT is elusive and tricky. IT appears by my choice, and IT appears without deliberation. IT tempts me, like few things, to be what I should not be. IT begs me to quit, to grumble and be discontent, and to hunt down something or someone to blame. Honestly, IT is annoying.
IT is stress. IT is that ugly, ugly thing that alters your world. We do sometimes create our own stress. We do. I remember well, though, a friend, who'd been going through a messy divorce with her daughter, saying that you can't always eliminate stress. Her doctor had told her that a crucial answer to her health problems was to get rid of stress. Ha! Sometimes life is stressful. It is. Sometimes we make poor choices that invite stress, but often, IT makes ITS own way in the door. The latter has been the story lately. It is preposterous to think that you might get up one morning wishing for - planning - an emergency trip to the hospital, or to clean up a whole quart of vegetable oil from the floor, or (in honor of Mom) to remove a whole jar of Vaseline from the hair and body of a feverishly sick little one (in the middle of preparing for a birthday party).
I am all for taking life by the horns and bringing it under control. I think that's a worthy endeavor. Sometimes, though, life wriggles out of your fist, yanks you up by the collar, and takes off running with you bouncing and bruising behind it. And in the middle of that bouncy, nightmarish ride, there must be sanity, a smile, and calm, composed pretending that life is still firmly held in your hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So what to tell my friend? I love her. I hope so much for her. I can give her excuses, which may really be reasons, but that is inadequate to make her feel wanted and loved. What she really needed was an email three weeks ago, but that was three weeks ago. This is now. She is hurt. I could have typed an email to her in the time it took to type this, but that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted an email without asking for it. Really, she deserved it. But I didn't write it.
Just for one week, I wish IT would go jump in the tempestuous sea and drown, leaving me to leisurely write to my friend.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Abundant Joy
Today, as we continued studying in Genesis, we considered Abraham's obedience when God told him to sacrifice Isaac. It was asserted that Abraham had to absolutely trust God to be willing to obey what was contrary to his emotions and seemingly to the promise God had given him. It is a great example of where our motive for obedience lies. It is a matter of completely trusting God no matter how illogical it seems or how we feel about something.
I've been thinking further through the story. I had tears in my eyes as we listened to this account read aloud. When Abraham bound Isaac, I was heartbroken. I could not imagine tying up my child and reaching for the knife with which to slit his throat. I don't want to be able to imagine that. However, I could imagine the gratitude, the wonder, the joy, the utter relief and peace that I might have had when excused from such a seemingly horrific command. Just think what heights of joyous wonder Abraham got to experience as a result of his trust in and obedience to God. It has always been such a common pitfall to follow our feelings about something, or what makes sense to us, or to excuse ourselves or someone else from obedience when the perceived consequences feel beyond our/their ability to endure. What inferior outcomes we have experienced as we excused away utterly obeying God. We have often had our interpretive sensibilities dulled and distorted because we don't trust God enough to absolutely and always do things His way.
Saul has been an example of self inflicted joy theft. In 1 Samuel 13, he grew impatient and fearful while waiting for Samuel to offer sacrifices to God as an appeal for instruction (1 Samuel 10:8). As a result, the kingdom was not to remain in his family (13:13 - 14). The parallels between this story and Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac are uncanny. Both men were to offer a sacrifice. Abraham was to offer his son. Saul was to wait for Samuel to offer a sacrifice for him. Abraham obeyed immediately, trusting God (Hebrews 11:17 - 19), and at the last second God blessed him with awesome mercy. Saul didn't wait through the very the last moment, but offered his sacrifice only to turn around and see Samuel arrive to fulfill God's word. Abraham was blessed at the last minute because he obeyed, and Saul was found guilty and punished at the last minute because he disobeyed.
What was the difference between the two men? Abraham trusted God with rock solid faith. Saul watched in fear rather than a composure of trust as the Philistines gathered for war against him and so acted in doubt of God with weak, conditional faith. Another difference? Saul reaped what he sowed. He doubted God, and so God failed to trust him with His people. The kingdom was torn from his sons forever. Abraham reaped quite differently because he had sown differently. He trusted God and obeyed, making way for a thrilling surprise and most abundant joy.
Trust and Obey
I've been thinking further through the story. I had tears in my eyes as we listened to this account read aloud. When Abraham bound Isaac, I was heartbroken. I could not imagine tying up my child and reaching for the knife with which to slit his throat. I don't want to be able to imagine that. However, I could imagine the gratitude, the wonder, the joy, the utter relief and peace that I might have had when excused from such a seemingly horrific command. Just think what heights of joyous wonder Abraham got to experience as a result of his trust in and obedience to God. It has always been such a common pitfall to follow our feelings about something, or what makes sense to us, or to excuse ourselves or someone else from obedience when the perceived consequences feel beyond our/their ability to endure. What inferior outcomes we have experienced as we excused away utterly obeying God. We have often had our interpretive sensibilities dulled and distorted because we don't trust God enough to absolutely and always do things His way.
Saul has been an example of self inflicted joy theft. In 1 Samuel 13, he grew impatient and fearful while waiting for Samuel to offer sacrifices to God as an appeal for instruction (1 Samuel 10:8). As a result, the kingdom was not to remain in his family (13:13 - 14). The parallels between this story and Abraham's willingness to sacrifice Isaac are uncanny. Both men were to offer a sacrifice. Abraham was to offer his son. Saul was to wait for Samuel to offer a sacrifice for him. Abraham obeyed immediately, trusting God (Hebrews 11:17 - 19), and at the last second God blessed him with awesome mercy. Saul didn't wait through the very the last moment, but offered his sacrifice only to turn around and see Samuel arrive to fulfill God's word. Abraham was blessed at the last minute because he obeyed, and Saul was found guilty and punished at the last minute because he disobeyed.
What was the difference between the two men? Abraham trusted God with rock solid faith. Saul watched in fear rather than a composure of trust as the Philistines gathered for war against him and so acted in doubt of God with weak, conditional faith. Another difference? Saul reaped what he sowed. He doubted God, and so God failed to trust him with His people. The kingdom was torn from his sons forever. Abraham reaped quite differently because he had sown differently. He trusted God and obeyed, making way for a thrilling surprise and most abundant joy.
Trust and Obey
When we walk with the Lord
in the light of his word,
what a glory he sheds on our way!
While we do his good will,
he abides with us still,
and with all who will trust and obey.
Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there's no other way
to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear,
not a sorrow we share,
but our toil he doth richly repay;
not a grief or a loss,
not a frown or a cross,
but is blest if we trust and obey.
(Refrain)
But we never can prove
the delights of his love
until all on the altar we lay;
for the favor he shows,
for the joy he bestows,
are for them who will trust and obey.
(Refrain)
Then in fellowship sweet
we will sit at his feet,
or we'll walk by his side in the way;
what he says we will do,
where he sends we will go;
never fear, only trust and obey.
(Refrain)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Jason During His First Dental Cleaning
Notice Jason's timid, almost scared
countenance. He was very, very good, but very, very nervous.
countenance. He was very, very good, but very, very nervous.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Overflowing
I have had so many things on my mind. So many. I very commonly do this mind stuff in mental writing. I'm usually thinking as I would write, and sure that I will write here. It does not happen that way most of the time. So many, many times my thoughts fold into others and are filed in cranial recesses too far from reach to produce again. I am overflowing with things I want to say, so I decided to just begin. I may (probably) not say them all, but if I do not begin, I will say nothing, much like these last few sentences =)
(One of the big faults I have when writing is inconsistent use of verb tense. I started to go through and correct that, but decided it wasn't all that important to me tonight. Please overlook it.)
I've been studying 1 Samuel. There has been so much for reflection there that I had a hard time falling asleep Saturday night. One of the gems has recurred in my mind, and I have found myself almost haunted by it. Israel begged for a king so they could be like their "peers." Poor, poor God. All He wanted was to be their King, reigning in their civil affairs and especially their hearts. I admire Samuel for coming to His defense. Far more, I admire God for soothing Samuel when He, Himself, was being discarded. Our God has always been a God of composure and purpose. I marvel at the brilliant way that God gave the people exactly what they asked for, setting in motion consequences for the abandonment of Him while still extending great mercy. The fact that He bestowed Himself mightily upon Saul, knowing that Saul was not a spiritually invigorating king, but a worldly one, is far beyond ourselves. We would not be so kind. We might just thrust the thing that was wrongly asked for into the proverbial face and hope heartily, eagerly even, for the "victim" to get what was rightfully coming. In God's plan the people got what was rightfully needed, but not without the simultaneous envelopment of God's love and desire for them.
While not a new thought, it is a vital one, that Saul has the spirit of God come upon him mightily (1 Samuel 10:6, 10 11:6) and leave him as well (1 Samuel 16:14, 18:12). Sandwiched in the middle is Saul's disobedience. It is his undoing. Tragic. I have posted here somewhat recently about the importance of obeying God. It has been the subject of my meditation. It is vital in the purest definition of that word. Our own disobedience should disturb us and move us to mournful repentance. We should hang our heads in shame as we think of the pride that leads us to think we can better God's plan, His will. In Saul's Great Disobedience we read,
Samuel said, "Is it not true, though you were little in your own eyes, you were made the head of the tribes of Israel? And the LORD anointed you king over Israel, and the LORD sent you on a mission, and said, 'Go and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are exterminated.' Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD, but rushed upon the spoil and did what was evil in the sight of the LORD?" Then Saul said to Samuel, I did obey the voice of the Lord, and went on the mission on which the LORD sent me, and have brought back Agag the king of Amalek, and have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.
Saul went into his kingship thinking little of himself and begins his way out of it by calling his tweaking of God's instruction obedience. Both things drip with pride. "In [his] own eyes" he was little. Don't we think so highly of ourselves when we think this way? The problem is that his focus was self. Being about the business of thinking little of ourselves or thinking grandly about ourselves is thinking about ourselves. We need to be emptied of ourselves and filled with God.
God knows the way we should take. He knows the end thereof: Himself. The way we should take according to God leads to eternal service to Him. Any discarding of His way or tweaking of it, is the wrong way, and does not lead to eternity with Him. Beautifully, touchingly, God's motive in His perfect instruction is love and utmost concern for our well being.
All this reflection about Saul's disobedience causes me to think of others who didn't go their own way, but God's. Please do not hold your breath, but I hope to continue this another time and specifically mention some of those who walked faithfully with and for God, sometimes with great personal sacrifice so that they might be completely obedient.
(One of the big faults I have when writing is inconsistent use of verb tense. I started to go through and correct that, but decided it wasn't all that important to me tonight. Please overlook it.)
I've been studying 1 Samuel. There has been so much for reflection there that I had a hard time falling asleep Saturday night. One of the gems has recurred in my mind, and I have found myself almost haunted by it. Israel begged for a king so they could be like their "peers." Poor, poor God. All He wanted was to be their King, reigning in their civil affairs and especially their hearts. I admire Samuel for coming to His defense. Far more, I admire God for soothing Samuel when He, Himself, was being discarded. Our God has always been a God of composure and purpose. I marvel at the brilliant way that God gave the people exactly what they asked for, setting in motion consequences for the abandonment of Him while still extending great mercy. The fact that He bestowed Himself mightily upon Saul, knowing that Saul was not a spiritually invigorating king, but a worldly one, is far beyond ourselves. We would not be so kind. We might just thrust the thing that was wrongly asked for into the proverbial face and hope heartily, eagerly even, for the "victim" to get what was rightfully coming. In God's plan the people got what was rightfully needed, but not without the simultaneous envelopment of God's love and desire for them.
While not a new thought, it is a vital one, that Saul has the spirit of God come upon him mightily (1 Samuel 10:6, 10 11:6) and leave him as well (1 Samuel 16:14, 18:12). Sandwiched in the middle is Saul's disobedience. It is his undoing. Tragic. I have posted here somewhat recently about the importance of obeying God. It has been the subject of my meditation. It is vital in the purest definition of that word. Our own disobedience should disturb us and move us to mournful repentance. We should hang our heads in shame as we think of the pride that leads us to think we can better God's plan, His will. In Saul's Great Disobedience we read,
Samuel said, "Is it not true, though you were little in your own eyes, you were made the head of the tribes of Israel? And the LORD anointed you king over Israel, and the LORD sent you on a mission, and said, 'Go and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are exterminated.' Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD, but rushed upon the spoil and did what was evil in the sight of the LORD?" Then Saul said to Samuel, I did obey the voice of the Lord, and went on the mission on which the LORD sent me, and have brought back Agag the king of Amalek, and have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.
Saul went into his kingship thinking little of himself and begins his way out of it by calling his tweaking of God's instruction obedience. Both things drip with pride. "In [his] own eyes" he was little. Don't we think so highly of ourselves when we think this way? The problem is that his focus was self. Being about the business of thinking little of ourselves or thinking grandly about ourselves is thinking about ourselves. We need to be emptied of ourselves and filled with God.
God knows the way we should take. He knows the end thereof: Himself. The way we should take according to God leads to eternal service to Him. Any discarding of His way or tweaking of it, is the wrong way, and does not lead to eternity with Him. Beautifully, touchingly, God's motive in His perfect instruction is love and utmost concern for our well being.
All this reflection about Saul's disobedience causes me to think of others who didn't go their own way, but God's. Please do not hold your breath, but I hope to continue this another time and specifically mention some of those who walked faithfully with and for God, sometimes with great personal sacrifice so that they might be completely obedient.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
More Random Pictures
Brennan finally gave in and fell asleep with Pawpaw.Jason after grudgingly eating his lunch.
Haelley decided to pose for pictures. All the poses were head tilts =)
Jason playing dress up.
Jared's model of our house.
Random Pictures
One day Haelley and Jason were not interested in eating their lunch. I found them hanging out like this. I guess they thought it would get them out of eating.
We all got to sign Brennan's cast. There are many die hard Kentucky fans around here, including Michael (thus the blue cast). John decided years ago to be a Louisville Cardinals fan just to be irritating. You can see his (irritating =) message on Brennan's cast.
Somebody put a beanie on Brennan, then Joshua put his headphones on him. He left it all on for several minutes. Isn't he cute?!
We've gotten enough snow to play in. You can see Joseph's daddy of a snowman. Poor Nancy made a whole family (seen partially in the background) which collapsed overnight.
Jason is loyal to some of his treasures - even while sleeping.
We all got to sign Brennan's cast. There are many die hard Kentucky fans around here, including Michael (thus the blue cast). John decided years ago to be a Louisville Cardinals fan just to be irritating. You can see his (irritating =) message on Brennan's cast.
Somebody put a beanie on Brennan, then Joshua put his headphones on him. He left it all on for several minutes. Isn't he cute?!
We've gotten enough snow to play in. You can see Joseph's daddy of a snowman. Poor Nancy made a whole family (seen partially in the background) which collapsed overnight.
Jason is loyal to some of his treasures - even while sleeping.
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