Saying Thank You

I think thank you notes are overrated. Now I imagine that half of you are cringing and mentally composing your rebuttal. The other half are breathing a collective (because I'm sure there is more than one of you) sigh of relief that someone finally got brave enough to say it. Let me ask - before you respond - to hear me out on this. Even those who agree may find that they wane now and then in that opinion.

Years ago I decided that I didn't much care for sending cards - because I received them too and knew exactly the dilemma that they pose: Someone spent money - sometimes a lot- on this card. So what does this pack rat opponent do with it after Someone bought it and took time to write in and send it? For a long time I joined hands with the "rat" and stowed them away for my kiddos to use for crafts. They seemed to build up faster than they were consumed, though. The next step was resolving to throw them away. (I just know that my depression surviving mother is hyper ventilating over that.) If receiving cards was so stressful for me I was sure not going to regularly inflict the same on others.

Well, mostly. Occasionally - very occasionally- I get a card that really touches me. Cards like that have been placed lovingly in a file folder labeled "Karen Haselwood." (That tells you how long that folder has been around. Someday my kids will get to rummage through it and see what made their mother tick emotionally.) Anyway, I will occasionally - very occasionally - send one when it seems a very touching thing to do.

More recently than the card decision came the near boycott of wrapping paper. I save wrapping paper that others have wrapped gifts in. And if wrapping paper is cheaper than a candy bar - for a whole roll - I might buy some. Other than that I don't. I use Walmart bags. I have used butcher paper that John got for free. I have even used the "hide-it-behind-my-back-until-it's-time-to-open-it" method.

So, yes, I have an economic objection to thank you notes. Well, yes, I know that someone bought me a gift, or gave generously of themselves, etc., and that a thank you note is just a small fraction of their sacrifice for me. It is not that I don't want to reciprocate; it is just that that's not the point. The point is gratitude. So beyond my pocketbook comes a deeper reason for my aversion.

When the New Testament Paul talked about giving, he hoped that the recipients would be grateful to God for what they had received. He wanted them, when they received a gift from another, to praise the Lord for His provision. Really the more rightful Object of my thank you ought to be God. Oh yes, it's wonderful to thank the person through whom one is blessed. The greater thing, though, is to thank God Who makes all things possible or impossible according to His great wisdom. Paul, in his letters, thanked God for the good which had been done for him and others by the recipients of his correspondence. He never, that I can find, thanked them directly. In James we discover that "every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights..." We humans may be the vessels through which good things come, but ultimately all good things are from God.

So another reason that I am not a big fan of thank you notes is to protect the giver from prideful and self focused attitudes. How many times have I felt smug and "puffed up" about giving some gift? That attitude abandons God as the Source of all good things. I only have something to give because He has given to me first. Anonymous giving is spoken of by Jesus: "Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. When therefore you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when giving alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will repay you" - Matthew 6:1-4. If I am concerned about being thanked, my motives for giving are not right.

A few years ago I mailed a gift to someone. I never heard anything at all about it. I wondered if the intended recipient ever got it. If it was received a thank you note would have answered my question. However, I have been thinking about that recently too. So what if my gift didn't get there? Then what? If it didn't get there, it didn't. Oh well. If everyone has a proper attitude, the potential recipient won't be expecting to get and feel slighted when he doesn't, and the giver will know that his giving was for the purpose of glorifying God and leave it in His hands.

I have sent many thank you notes over the years. I have made my children send them. I don't think thank you notes are bad. I didn't say that; I said they are overrated. I will likely continue to have my children send them in some form. I will send them too. It is good for us not to take another for granted. But I really would like to remember to thank God for all that I receive - and for those who give to me. I should lead my children to consider God when they have gotten a gift. The generosity that we may all enjoy from others can be a great example for us. The more I have been given, the more I have learned about how to give. Also, though, the more I have been thanked the more I realize how much better it is for my character to let God have all the credit lest I become proud.